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Monday, August 13, 2012Division races begin to heat upWeek 1 of Season 66 in the books The second COFL season of NCAA 13 is in full swing, with over half of the 30 participants having played three or more games in this short week. Here, we'll give a quick rundown of each of the four division races along with some predictions.
Bobby Bowden DivisionThe Bowden Division is relatively low on talent but relatively high on blacks and Canadians. Ticc and his usual Miami Canes remain the favorite, although an early loss to Rowboken's USC turned quite a few heads. The Cocks got in and threw a kink in the master plan, as cocks tend to do.
The division's surprise team is undoubtedly the Missouri Tigers. Playing in the Bryant for the first time since anyone can remember, gldntors burst out to a 4-2 start, including 3-1 in division play. Whether or not he can maintain this high level of play remains to be seen. We suspect not.
The major question mark here is defending champion Work and his WVU Mountaineers. Many experts thought he had a great chance of reviving this once proud program that is still hobbling from the violent Rich Rod rape. However, in possibly the most shocking score in several seasons, Work was destroyed by coach Jimmy B-shaw and the Alabama Wheeling Tide. We think Work can still pull a winning season after this debacle, but probably doesn't have the tools to win the race against Ticc.
Champion: Miami
Runner-Up: West Virginia
Steve Spurrier DivisionThe Spurrier Division is loaded with talent and experience. It's only competition for best overall division is with the Grange. This spells trouble for newcomer Wurtele and returning coach RPD. Wurtele's put up a pretty solid fight in his first four games, and may surprise a few people once he gets his bearings. RPD will once again have to adjust to not having loads of unfair advantages at his disposal, like in real life.
Oh-Geez has established himself as the early leader, although all his toughest games lie ahead. His chief competition looks to be Pulliams (Arkansas) and Rolle (Tennessee Tanks). Rolle went to Fayetteville and took the early season victory over the Hogs, 42-30. On the other hand, nobody can figure out how Rolle lost to Florida State after HeyThereDelija made the baffling pre-season hire of defensive coordinator Kevin Cosgrove.
Dj Cali will win a couple big games, but he won't have the consistency to stay in the thick of the division race.
What about Bigjangalang? Jang has decided to once again grace us with his presence after making the tough decision to cut back on his normally full schedule of weightlifting and memorizing the lyrics of the entire Young Money catalog. He takes over the defending champ Florida Gators. And although they have some nice tools to work with, nobody really remembers if Jang is any good at this game, or how long it's been since he last played. But Jang is a nice tool himself, and we think he'll be just fine. But maybe not fine enough to take this tough division crown.
Champion: LSU
Runner-up: Tennessee
Red Grange DivisionAs mentioned, the Grange is stacked. Young guns CWalk and Vandy have quickly established themselves as two of the most talented coaches in the league. They join all-everything Vtech along with the always adept veteran Coach P. Vandy was the early favorite, but a tough loss to Vtech's KSU Wildcats knocked him from the pedestal. Cwalk is currently ranked #1 in the league and undefeated, although his schedule so far looks like it was stolen from Bill Snyder's office.
Speaking of veterans and the Little Apple, let's get back to Vtech. Vtech has recently followed in the footsteps of his idol, Jang, and taken up a job as a bartender. That, along with countless late-night sexting sessions with Jang and the eager anticipation of Madden's release has us wondering if he has the time or the passion to take this team to a division championship and eventually the national title game. He certainly has the skill, and he's already made himself at home with KSU's offense, which sits at #3 nationally. But we point to an early-season loss to Lbtrojan (who must of us just know as "that guy that can be kind of a dick and somehow knows Coach P") as reason to be skeptical.
Trojan and mrbesteva both have great teams that could potentially make a splash and make a run for the division. But we doubt it. And then there's Ryan, who, at 0-3 division, has already pretty much shit his bed.
Champion: Utah
Runner-up: Texas
Bronco Nagurski DivisionWhether or not it's purely coincidental, we don't know for sure. But Prez has once again placed himself in by far the worst of the four divisions. And once again he's got a pretty damn good team to coach, going from Notre Dame to Ohio State. Prez being in the Grange is like Oscar Pistorius going back to the Paralympics. He'll once again beat up on the handicapped of the world instead of being mediocre running with the normal people.
His chief competition appears to again be JT (Stanford), with whom he will surely send a testosterone-laden text or two while battling in what may be a budding rivalry. The winner of that Week 9 game will probably be the division leader at that point.
But what about Thurman "After Dentist"? He's been away from the game a minute, and has since gotten his braces off, moved into the big bedroom in the basement and had his curfew moved back to 12:30. Has he kept that youthful affection for the virtual world, or is he now more concerned with chasing that first french kiss? We really have no idea, but we think there's a chance he will make some noise, at least within this group of retards and quadriplegics.
We can't figure out why purpledrank is sucking so hard with USC. Despite already falling twice in division play, we certainly can't count out Fiddy aka Ferarri with his dangerous Oregon squad. Souljah's Fighting Tickle Monsters of Happy Valley are the potential dark horse. Regardless of the final result, watching these teams fight it out will be profoundly ugly. And really, why would you want to? It will be like having your TV stuck on the MountainWest Sports Network. You'd almost rather watch "America's Got Talent" or "The New Normal".
Champion: Ohio State
Runner-up: Stanford